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 If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: kateincn 
Date:   01-01-06 21:12

If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS:
1You scared she will use you to get citizenship.
The basic of marriage is trust. How can we live with a person always skeptic us? Besides, What¡¯s wrong you do something to the person you loved?

2 Is she faithful? Could I trust her?
It¡¯s depends on many factors: Is she traditional girl? Does she truly love you? etc
And your should pay ATTENTION to the following point:
1st, choice a woman you think she is faithful and trust her. If you want her respect you, you should respect her. If you want her faithful, you should faithful.
2nd, both of you need tell the truth, why you will be together? There is not perfect person in the world, there must be some reason bring you together, such as: your are bald ugly guy, she is over 30yr, no one want marry her.
3rd, No women want to live with a loser. The rule of nature is female will choose the winner. So you should, at least, have a job.
4th, here is famous old saying in China: ¡°You can be too smart in marriage.¡± It means, you can¡¯t take marriage as business. Just be smart when you choose a girl, don¡¯t be too smart when you and she are together. Consider too much thing about money and betray and so forth won¡¯t help you. It will ruin your marriage. If you want win her true heart you need to give her your heart. No one could insure you that she won¡¯t betray you. You¡¯re adult, friend. You should be strong. She is a Chinese. Usually, she won¡¯t let you down.

3 Could you prove you are better than Chinese men?
Chinese will be together--even their wife or their husband is paralysis. They will take the responsibility to their soul mate. If your wife is paralysis, can you always company with her and take care of her without complain? I know there is a girl married an American, she earn the money to support their life. Yet the guy rude to her parents when they came to America to see her¡ªThat¡¯s very terrible! Chinese precious their parents just like God. Once that girl and her husband enjoy their vacation in Hawaii, she dead in an accident. Her husband find a cheapest funeral and interment company, deal with her worse than a dead cat. He sues the travel agency, get $2 million and soon marry an American woman. How horrible! That guy must the most heartless guy and cold blood person I¡¯ve ever seen. Chinese won¡¯t take their wife like that! ¢ÙTreat her parents rudely. ¢ÚDeal with her body as throw away a powerless battery. Funeral is one of the biggest thing to Chinese! ¢ÛMarry another woman so soon. Obviously, he used his wife! Are Chinese women slavers? Are they deserved to be treating like that?

Yes, we are traditional, faithful women. What we want just a warm family, a trusty husband, love his wife deeply. Is it so hard? Love is a very simple thing. It isn¡¯t business, politics! Love needs wisdom, patient and virtue.

May my article could help you find your true love!
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Jim 
Date:   01-22-06 14:57

Kateincn,

Thank you for this, for me this is no suprise, it is how I already feel. But it is good to hear it from someone independent who confirms it.
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Boodie Man 
Date:   02-25-06 07:45

You article was very interesting about Chinese woman. I have known a Chinese woman for 5 months. We love each other very much. I have come to China from USA for one week visit. We want to get married.

She quit her job soon after we met on the internet. Since then, she wants me to send her money. She has not tried to find another job. She keeps wanting me to send her money, about $750 US every month.

Do you think she is taking advantage of me or is this just her true need and should I just send her what she says the needs.

I do love her very much.

Thank you.
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Andries Zijlstra 
Date:   02-25-06 12:25

David,

There will always be this dilemma between love and trust. Nobody can advice you because every situation is different. Normally a Chinese girl would not demand but will be happy to receive some support. You are the only one to judge. Sending money without any mutual commitment is very delicate. The Chinese girls and women I know would be too proud to ask for anything even if life is difficult. Think for yourself and don't expect any suitable advice because it depends on so many personal perceptions. My advice is to evaluate your situation whether there could be a future or you are merely used to satisfy financial needs. Quiting a job after a short internet contact is not promising.

Good luck,
Andries
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Hopeful 
Date:   02-26-06 01:59

Isn't it obvious, she just want you to feed her for the rest of her life. Don't be blinded by love so much that you let a leech take advantage of you. The love feeling lasted 9 months then you have to come down to reality. A person with pride would not ask people for money, especially when you are not even her fiance! Think - can you afford US750 per month?
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Andries Zijlstra 
Date:   02-26-06 06:41

Dear Hopeful,

You are very right. First of all it is confusing that the initial name was David Wright. Now it is Boodie Man. I don't know how people can change their handle. I feel that there is something wrong. It is unbelievable for me that serious responses are ignored and less serious initial subjects are hidden by different handles.

Regards,
Andries
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Hopeful 
Date:   02-26-06 19:07

I may be able to give an explanation. When a new forumite signed up, he/she has to use the original name. Although, you are allowed to use different display name from the original sign-up name, the software initially by default, displays the original name used to join the forum. But you can go to your profile and change to your display name, if you don't want people to know your actual name. It may be a bug (or not) in the software in that it does not have an option to allow you to choose your preferred name to display instead of filling in with the original signed-up name. It happened to me too but since I know a lot about software, I was able to change it immediately.
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Jane 
Date:   03-03-06 07:05

Boodie Man, i think Andries and Hopeful have given you some good insights about the girl. They are very helpful people.
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 Re: If you want
Author: tosian 
Date:   03-03-06 19:38

Andries, Hopeful,

I have tried to help Boodie at the other thread on how to look at things, so in this thread I'd address this to both of helpful you, instead:

1/ would he be happy to give money to someone (say, an American girlfriend) in a similar circumstance? Then, he could apply this to his Chinese girlfriend more specifically, bearing in mind with her specific situation (e.g. is the cost of living in China cheaper than in America?).

2/ the amount ($750) seems to be too great excessive amount per month for even an average middle class to even upper (those I have known recently) young student living in the West.

3/ however, I agree with both of you that it does not bode well, that this girl quit her job, now that she has a Western boyfriend.

4/ more so: to demand money every month: it does indicate a certain trait of personality best you have to be wary of, or worse. Best avoid?

5/ there is a recent survey (AFP, this week) which indicates strongly that money obtained without much own efforts (as in winning lottery, big or small; or gained in similar fashion) are mostly wasted and the recipients grow flippant and are even troubled by others. These supposedly lucky people often in the end live worse in poverty, become drug addicts, unhappy beset by the so called "newly found" friends and families "who formerly do not have contact/close contact". The URL link is still there I think.

what is in a fo
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 Re: If you want
Author: tosian 
Date:   03-03-06 19:50

Just reread Boodie's: it's even highly non promising that he only met this girl for 1 week. You can't tell much in a week, a month: too many play acting within such a short period of knowing each other.

what is in a fo
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 Re: If you want
Author: Boodie Man 
Date:   03-03-06 20:10

Such good advice. It is hard to take for me, because I have a sense that she is good hearted common girl. I have a good feeling that she truly has a heart for me and part of her requests for money is to pay back money she has borrowed from a friend to make traditional yearly trip back to her homeland for the Spring Festival.

I have a good heart and try to be sesitive to special Chinese traditions like this and also to help in her need to be back with her family.
Good new too, she is seeking a job now going on an interview almost everyday. She says she has to travel a great distance to these interviews. Not knowing much about the area where she lives I don't know how far is too far, but trust she is being honest with me.

Love is blind, I know, but if I have I will give because I believe we will be married someday.
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 Re: If you want
Author: Boodie Man 
Date:   03-03-06 20:12

We do our best to talk everyday, sometimes twice a day. As long as the conversation does not involve money we get along pretty well. These posts have made me think twice about what I am doing, but love and intuition somehow makes me still want to help.
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 Re: If you want
Author: Hopeful 
Date:   03-04-06 02:35

I can understand asking money for a couple of months for the Spring festival etc. but every months. Beside I don't believe she would need that much of money that is about 6000 yuan (if the rate is 8.00yuan to USD1.00.) Have you consider whether she may be communicating with other people in the internet and and doing the same thing to them?

I can tell you that I know of a man who divorced his wife to marry a woman in her twenties who was here on a short training program. She had a child with him and went back to her country to live with her parents. This guy lost his house and probably the respect of his grown children. Eventually, he lost his job and is still try to find means to send money to her int her country. That is what I called going through mid-life crisis and and losing everything for a so call "blind love".
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 Re: If you want
Author: tosian 
Date:   03-04-06 05:40

\ now going on an interview almost everyday. She says she has to travel a great distance to these interviews. Not knowing much about the area \

everyday ? touring the country ? at great distance for interviews? maybe campaigning to become a governor of the state of ... ? or if cross-provinces: I have no idea of the American equivalent, a VP?

even the great Arnold Shwarzeneger (speeling needs to be corrected, it does not sound right) took frequent long breaks for recollection and reappraisal

what is in a fo
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 Re: If you want
Author: tosian 
Date:   03-04-06 11:05

On further reflection, I think maybe she just want to celebrate her new found happiness with you and share her feelings with friends and family, particularly meeting them on traditional festivals.

However, if she is serious with you and wishes a solid future with you, then you have to convince her to start a new beginning towards rebuilding a solid foundation for a new life with you. A marriage even. Save those money for a new house or a larger house to accomodate your future family, or a great wedding celebration if you do not require a house, new or larger.

Friends and family will understand this if they truly care for her and her future.

Of course this advice is merely strictly based on reading your postings at this Forum.

The best of luck.

what is in a fo
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 Re: If you want
Author: Boodie Man 
Date:   03-04-06 11:14

Your insite into my delima has helped immensly. I cannot express how grateful I am for your concern and advise. My love for her drives me to want the very best for her and, so far, the only difficulty I have had is believing unconditionally in her intentions. It is so difficult with such a distance between us, but even a local realationship can have the same problems.
Your postings have encouraged me to put some boundaries on her and set limits to what I will do for her financially. I believe her needs are perhaps a little unrealistic, but sometimes women have a need to have some little extra to spend on themselves. I don't know the financial stugglings than some women in that country may endure, but I want to be a helper and not a dictator.
The coming weeks will tell if she is sincere in securing a job and doing what she can to offset some of the burden, although small, to me.

Thank you again.
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 Re: If you want
Author: MICHAEL 
Date:   03-28-06 14:54

Hey Bodie Man
I just wanted to add my two cents because I have an internet friend in
China who I have been corresponding with. I believe that she is very sincere and honest. She has a very difficult life but she has never asked me for one dime. I wonder if you suspend the money train will she stick around for you. If the average Chinese worker makes around 13000 yuan per year how can she justify $750 per month. Like someone else said can you really afford this. You say everything is OK as long as you don't discuss money. Just imagine if you bring her here, how much money will it cost you to take care of her here? I would personally look elsewhere, somehow her values toward money are skewed.
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 Re: If you want
Author: Boodie Man 
Date:   03-28-06 15:21

That's great advise. I've been troubled more and more by this relationship and it hurts because I've put so much time, money and, most of all, love into it.
I don't want to hurt anyone and I certainly don't want to make a lifelong mistake, but if I withhold my money and not my love, I suppose I will discover what the real attraction is here.


<a href="http://www.asiawind.com/forums/profile.php?f=6&id=1824">MICHAEL</a> wrote:
>
> Hey Bodie Man
> I just wanted to add my two cents because I have an
> internet friend in
> China who I have been corresponding with. I believe that she
> is very sincere and honest. She has a very difficult life
> but she has never asked me for one dime. I wonder if you
> suspend the money train will she stick around for you. If
> the average Chinese worker makes around 13000 yuan per year
> how can she justify $750 per month. Like someone else said
> can you really afford this. You say everything is OK as long
> as you don't discuss money. Just imagine if you bring her
> here, how much money will it cost you to take care of her
> here? I would personally look elsewhere, somehow her values
> toward money are skewed.
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 Re: If you want
Author: Boodie Man 
Date:   03-28-06 20:15

Thank you so much for taking the time to really give me a quick education or, at least, share your experience. I think that there's a lot of truth in what you have said and it all makes real good sense. In a way, it's a little sad, because I've really fallen for this girl and there are times when she seems so sincere. And to think that she is riding a cash cow, makes it even worse. When she says her sweet words it's almost like turning the knife I perceive her having in my heart.

My heart tells me to turn off the cash and then be ready to turn off the feelings if she reacts the way I have been so afraid she would react all these months. When I am honest with myself, I know, in my heart of hearts, that she'll go cold as ice if I so those two words that are so simple, but so hard to say...."I can't".

But, I know sometime soon she will ask, "Can you send me more money". I must be emotionally ready, willing and strong enough to say "I can't" and then be just as emotionally prepared to endure the inevitable, "You don't love me", "You promised", "You want someone else", etc. etc. I just know that will come and what I will say and how I will respond, I don't know, but I know it must be done.

Thank you again Michael. Of all the responces I've received yours makes the most sense. I don't know who you are, or anything about your background, but you seem to have grasped my problem and have the right advice to make this difficult move one that I can live with.

With great gratitude,

Boodie Man

P.S. I use this name and email address simply because I am so ashamed of what I've gotten myself into and because I don't want her to have any way of knowing I doubt her intentions. I really love her and don't want to hurt her or anyone else.
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: CHONG 
Date:   04-14-06 04:17

good morning,
i understand your position.
I am a hakka chinese girl ,brought up the traditonal way,but grew up the western way.I am not a slave but i enjoy taking care of my husband,whoisn't chinese.Why do you generalize?Not all people treat their wives bad?I know chinese girls who are perfecly happy.A chinese guy doesn't always respect his wife;some of them cheat,gamble and lose evrything.
I come from frenchguiana where the gy=uys even gamble their wives to play mah jong.
So,please don't be mad,it's unfair ,not evryone has the wisdom.
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: fardin (203.101.184.---)
Date:   09-02-06 03:07

yeah i want to marry any girl i am 18 years old and live in pakistan

[%sig%]
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: fred smith 
Date:   11-04-06 01:25

hey, that is good advice for any marriage, not only Chinese. I was married to an Irish-Catholic Canadian for around 1000 years; body of a goddess, mind of a hydra. Then one time I came home after working from 7AM to 6PM, then classes to 9PM, she had dinner and a bottle of wine ready (first time in 7 years). We ate, it was food, what can I say, I ate it and went to bed. Next morning I saw that the left-over pasta was "penis" pasta - noodles shaped like a penis. As quickly as possible I got that divorce. A complete lack of respect. Long story short, after that my career took off, I married a Taiwanese woman who was living in San Jose. Seven years later, we still have mutual respect and life is good as we know it. I gain 5000 years of wisdom from her, she gains 5000 years of warfare from me. I'm Italian, what can I say. Maybe our offspring will take over the world. Can't convince her of the fact pasta was invented by Italians, so maybe not so smart.
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 Re: If you want
Author: Michael S 
Date:   11-25-06 19:44

Have you considered how difficult it must be for her to work a full time job, often 10 or more hours per day in China, and still be available to chat with you for 1 to 2 hours?

Did you give her cause to want to quit her job? Was there ever any reason for her to think you would "take care of her"?

That said, $750 per month is quite a bit of money in China, almost 6000 rmb. I would just guess, depending upon where she lives, that she was making less than 1/2 that much when working.

The only way to solve this riddle is to talk to her and try to understand her, and hope she wants to understand you. I know there is a perception in China that most Americans are "rich" (whatever THAT means); there is not much understanding about how expensive it is to live in the States.

Good luck!
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 Re: If you want
Author: Boodie Man 
Date:   11-26-06 07:29

Thank you for taking the time to post you thoughts on my concerns regarding my Chinese fiancee. I believe she truly loves me, but still almost daily learn more about the thinking of the Chinese woman. She has many hopes and dreams and I love her enough to want to a part of them.

I suppose it is only natural for one to question motives of those who live so far away and whose actions cannot be observed first hand. Faith plays an important role in a long distance relationship, especially with someone from a different culture whose background and values can sometime be so different from our own.

I especially appreciated your insight into what a hard life she must have. I do know that she starts her day as early as 6am and must ride the bus for an hour or more to get to a job that probably pays less than one dollars US per hour. Then after a full day's work, attends a two hour oral English class that she take so seriously since she wants to feel comfortable with her speaking skills once in the US.

Each time she asks me to send her money, I try to remember her situation living in a city that has a high cost of living and her desire to have some nice things. I know that "in the end" it will all be worth it. Thank you again for you interest.
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Jennifer.Chou 
Date:   01-24-07 20:30

Hi,
Forget the relationship.She doesn't deserve you hurting.I absolutely believe she is not a good traditional chinese girl.Because I am a chinese and I know what kind of the girls like her are!
Reason:
1.Good traditional chinese would not ask for money easily.They are so care about their face.
2.Caution!More and more chinese girls are not traditional anymore.They always marry a guy not for love instead of money,citizenship.But if you are lucky enough to find a traditional chinese wife who really love you,your live will be full of sunshine and happiness.They are sweet,faithful,pretty,industrious,considerate,dutiful......

Anyway,I think you should stop thinking about her and try to look for a chinese girl who really loves you.Then you can know she won't ask you for money even if she is in a hard situation!
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: pei li ly 
Date:   01-25-07 07:17

Hey Boodie Man,
A truly good Chinese people man or woman whether they are in China or anywhere in this world will not or never asking money.
Beware if they do, don't u know so many Chinese girl from China using all kind of method to make money. They even using a tourist visa (even student visa) came to south east asia selling their body. In Singapore they even approach the Housing complex. They don't feel shame at all. They are very good in making a scheme. Their targets always some middle age man which have a huge saving account for their golden age.
I am really sorry if you walk into this girl trap. To think you are a high education people, dont let your feeling blind your brain.

Good Luck..
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 I have no idea why she asked you send money
Author: Ohnomy 
Date:   01-28-07 16:31

God, it is not about the world I don't understand, just about the world changed too fast.

No way to send her money. Remember? You meet her in internet. Why does she put herself in internet? She definitely is a moneyseeker,gold digger there .The purpose for money is hidden under the pretty" love" words. I feel ashamed of our Chinese girs and ladies doing these always in internet. Heck! What is her educational level? Bachelor degree at least? You directly tell her, " My chinese friends told me, Chinese ladies are very independent, and feel ashamed of asking boyfriends' money before merriage." Or you just tell her, " My money isn't enough for my living, but I am still trying hard to save airticket to see you in China.".... Test what she would say. Too many liars right now. I have to tell you , " be careful."
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 living with chinese girls
Author: GaryLong 
Date:   02-01-07 22:04

I like to say for Chinese women and girl travel a long way for work is every day is way of life, it comes with the life in china.

I like to offer any help to all men that like to marry Chinese women or girls in china, as I have live and work in china for over 2 years now I come from Australia and after 2 divorces, I come to find a true loving woman.

I have date more then 50 girls and women don’t get the wrong idea, I am not a Play Boy, but I don’t think there is any thing wrong in taking a girl on a date.

Most girls love to go out with a foreigner " laowai " as it will help them with there English and all students that go to university must past a CET 4 test or they can never get a good Job. Even women that are not going to university will still try to pass there CET 4 or 6 to get the best Job as china is a male dominate country, and past times people that had a baby if it was a girl the would kill it after birth and try again.

I work in a university and as working here you don’t need to do every thing as good as you do in the west, you can get away with mistakes that you may make and most Chinese will not think of it a seconde time.

But getting a good girl or woman is not as easy as A B C believe me but when you do find a good girl, you will be very happy.

The fun don’t stop there, you need to spend time with her and not a lot of time as there is other girls you can spend time with to and find the best for your needs in every way of your life. I can do a book on all things about the things I have learned.

I have a Degree in Psychology and I have got to know the way the girl think in china, may be not all are the same but it can be a start as there is a new way of thinking for every girl, its not as hard to know them if you do it right, but we can never know it all, let just say if you get angry with your lover then she know you lover more then what 5000 Yuan RMB will get you.

If you like to know more and if I can help you with some things may be you can email me I don’t know if I can put my email on this but here goes any way.

garylong@hotmail.com
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 Re: I have no idea why she asked you send money
Author: ananyang 
Date:   02-20-07 12:07

i agree with you
i really never ask my foreign friend send me money at all
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 Re: living with chinese girls
Author: Jennifer.Chou 
Date:   02-26-07 00:44

"The fun don’t stop there, you need to spend time with her and not a lot of time as there is other girls you can spend time with to and find the best for your needs in every way of your life. I can do a book on all things about the things I have learned."
I think it is very difficult for you to get the real love from chinese girl.Because you are special and not faithful.You go out with several girls at the same time as you go to the market to pick up the bset merchandise.But after you decide,you will find you are been cheated.She just wants to use you or citizenize.
I could tell you a way to get a girl who really loves you:
know each other----be friend----make relationship.No sex during the procedure
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Xie_Ming 
Date:   02-26-07 07:54

Perhaps Irish women are the reason Irish men drink so much?
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Jane 
Date:   02-27-07 06:29

she gains 5000 years of warfare from me.>>>

what does that mean?
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 Help and advice please
Author: cehberus 
Date:   03-06-07 01:20

There is this Chinese woman i really like we are both 27. Until she was
about 24 she spent her whole life in China and then spent 2 years in
France and one year in the UK studying (just so you know her history a
bit)

When i met her (feburary 2005) i had never met a Chinese woman before,
she had just been dumped by her boyfriend who was French and living in
France and me and her liked each other.

We went out all the time, would talk all the time on the phone and i
got the feeling there was something between us. Nothing happened
between us except for some flirting a two little kisses (nothing more).
This is as she knew she was going to go back to China about four months
after we met (june 2005) and she did not want anything more than
friends. At one point while i said i wanted to be with her and try at a
relationship with her she kept trying to put me off by saying she was a
bad girlfriend to guys in the past she had dated and that she said "She
did not want to be with me now, but wanted to be with me in the future"

At this point i knew nothing of the cultural differences between
western and eastern dating and im sure now thinking about it i freaked
her out by being a typical westerner and trying to date her like i
would date a western girl (which i know freaked her out).

In November 2005 she came back to London for a few weeks and we met up
for dinner and she was very comfortable sitting with me in dinner
(every sign of someone being very relaxed like with a best friend),
then i mentioned how a friend was making me dinner, we were going to
have some wine and watch a movie together and this chinese woman "Yi"
got jealous her body language went from being very happy and relaxed,
to sitting back in her chair, arms crossed looking very unhappy, the
same type of reaction and look you would give a guy you did not like
who came up and put his hand on your thigh. We continued the evenning
and after that we went to a bar and had a few drinks and she was
flirting with me alot and leaning over me (i know she was a bit tipsy,
but she had never done this before even when she had had a few drinks
before in the past)

Over the next seven months (from june 2005 to march 2006) she would
never say she liked me, but when i mentioned girls to her she got
jealous (she got annoyed when i mentioned another girl and would not
let me talk about her).

From june 2005 to june 2006 i tried to show how much i liked her and
there were times when i was sure she liked me and saw me as more than a
friend and other times just a friend (she was in China now).

I got hurt alot by this and i think now it was not her being a nasty
girl, but me not understanding her cultural background (which i have
read up on and it makes sense how she acted).

I then had a massive argument with her about june 2006 saying i could
not trust her, i dont respect her, i dont think i can be her friend and
i cut contact with her and never wanted to speak to her again.

From June 2006 until December 2006 she did try and get in contact with
me via email and telephoning me, i ignored her until i spoke to her in
December 2006 and we have been speaking since then as friends.

I started to like her again and i have been flirting with her via
email, phone and txt and no matter what i say (something i have said
would offend one of my female chinese friends who is 31), Yi has always
flirted back calling saying im "your Yi" and recently "your always Yi".

When i flirt with her she flirts back and is always laughing and really
happy to talk to me, you see i really like her, she is very sweet,
caring and loving. I now know she would not hurt me, but she plans to
come back to London (which is where i live) in a few months, and she
always says she can't wait to see me and spend time with me and i have
joked about us going on a date and she seems happy with that.

I want to win her heart, i think that i am doing that now, as when i
first me her she would say i am "her Yi" but that was 2 years ago, and
when i had a go at her for flirting with me she stopped, but about a
month ago, i started flirting with her and treating her really well,
being kind to her, talking to her, not being like i was, as i now
understand chinese culture more.

I know she wants to come back to London, but i know she is worried
about her visa, she has a very good chance of coming to the uk, she has
never tried to use me to marry me or asked me for anything to help her
come to the uk or in anyway.

You see i know she would not hurt me, she is not nasty, but i don't
know chinese women or cultures that well. I did not think i thought of
her this way again and i know i have real deep feelings for her, and i
have a feeling there could be something between us if she comes back to
the uk, but i really would like to know how i can tell if she actually
see's me as just a friend or as a future boyfriend.
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: Help and advice please
Author: Xie_Ming 
Date:   03-07-07 17:47

Why not ask her?

At 27, you should both be able to speak frankly and kindly.

(My take is that you are not yet an independent adult).
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: Help and advice please
Author: Hopeful 
Date:   03-11-07 19:30

"Over the next seven months (from june 2005 to march 2006) she would
never say she liked me, but when i mentioned girls to her she got
jealous (she got annoyed when i mentioned another girl and would not
let me talk about her)."

She may be overly-possessive which may be why her boyfriend left her.
Usually, it is a sign of insecurity on her part. A secure person, does not get angry through the mere mentioning of other girls. Many possessive people, men or women often destroy relationships or marriages in their need to control their love ones' contacts with people other than themselves.
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: sea food (---.90.181.222.Vancouver.primus.ca)
Date:   04-08-07 01:57

why everybody is saying this. yes some chinese girls they have special purpose to marry a western guy eg:citizenship. but not all chinese girls are like this ,ok?
I am a chinese girl as well, and I like a canadian guy but I won't tell him. Cuz I know that is impossible. So many differences between us, and more importantly I am gonna back to China after I graduate.
Reply To This Message
 
 Sunzi binfa
Author: FM Liew 
Date:   04-08-07 14:45

If you know your partner[ enemy ] very well, the chances of success in the marriage is close to 100 percent.

If you only know your partner partially well[ half baked kind], the chances of the marriage being success is only 50/50.

If your partner is a total stranger to you, your marriage will bound to fail.

Money and the rest are secondary, because these are reasons/excuses leading to marriage, but not necessary an assurance to successful marriage.

I hope those who are ripe for marriage is ready this.
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: Sunzi binfa
Author: hojo 
Date:   04-22-07 14:23

I have had a chinese girlfriend for a year and a half now, I met her while I was in china, I have gone back to china now 4 times to see her and we write often through email. we have starting talking about marriage, but she tells me her parents say whoever marrys her must give them money to do so, and its a significant amount. is this normal that the fiancee must give the parents money to marry?
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: Sunzi binfa
Author: ananyang 
Date:   04-23-07 11:30

it is normal in rural china ,not common in cities now
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: myfriend 
Date:   04-27-07 01:40

Marrying a non-Chinese is very risky.

A lot of cultural differences cannot be bridged.

Two worlds apart, how does a girl know she's being lied to? How can she check out the guy and his background before marriage and moving to live in a foreign country? She's taking someone's words and plunging into the water without knowing how deep it really is. She needs lots of luck.

If I were her I would pull back, let the emotion cool off and let intellect take control. Can she do that?
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want
Author: ananyang 
Date:   05-10-07 09:53

don't be stupid and just find the one for you money is not the most important thing in life and if it youn bring it up then you should not be with that person
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: zhenyu 
Date:   06-11-07 05:19

I'm from China and right now I'm studying in Japan.In my opinion, the Chinese girls and Japanese girls are really different. You can't just simply say that Japanese girls are more open than Chinese girls. It really depends on the situations. My opinion is when you dating a Chinese girl and you reall loves her, and you're considering about the marriage or you're asked to get married with her, please meet her parents. Usually the mother and father's education play a very important role in her education and growh, just met them and talk with them, maybe you could learn more about your girlfriend indirectly from her parents.

Nice to meet yo
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Khalid Paden 
Date:   10-13-07 22:03

My strong suggestion is if you want marry a Chinese woman. Don't import one. Build a relationship with one locally. Trust me on this one. And for God's SAKES, DO NOT LET THE PARENTS MOVE IN. NOT EVEN TO VISIT!!!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7460946@N03/431495501/
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: some Chinese Girls Dont wish to Go abroad
Author: GaryLong 
Date:   10-15-07 08:07

I like to say chinese girl can be very strange some times,
i have a friend that is married to a chinese girl and he like to take her back
to the USA but she will not go, she wish to only stay in a very small city in china and will not even go to a bigger city for a better job with her husband, where he can get better money, all she will do is live in her home city for the rest of her life if she can have her way. he has try many things to show her the better life in the USA but she will not go, she wish to have a baby in china and she dont care what he do after she has her baby, but he dont wish to have a baby in china he wish to give it a better life in the USA, i have even told him to divorce his wife and get a better one but he will not he wish to try to find a better one first and the divorce the one he is with now, but i dont like this i think its a wrong way to cheat more then one person at a time.
he say she love him but they only have sex may be 2 time in 2 months i pity him for this as i know good chinese girls love sex with the right lover, my chinese friends tell me if his wife dont make love with him she dont love him and in fact they dont even have oral sex just in the hole sex and over in less then 10 mins i pity this as well as the lover i had we do it every day and we make love for hours but i can not be with her much now as she must work away for me but when we are together we make love all weekend and so happy to see each other.
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: some Chinese Girls Dont wish to Go abroad
Author: Khalid Paden 
Date:   10-15-07 21:27

Chinese women tend to be very attached to their families. They have a deal. The parents take care of the children in their youth, and then it is the children's responsibility to take care of the parents in their old age. Many Asian families don't care who else get's inconvenienced or hurt to provide the best for their parents. So it is best if the daughter can stay close to her parents, or bring them along so she can fulfill her obligation. Problems can arise when the parents are giving you orders in your own house, and your wife is their enforcer. In this case 95% of the time her allegance is to the ones that raised her. The husband is second. Maybe she really wants to stay in her home town. But my guess is that her desire is to support her parents, and having a husband helps. BTW some Chinese feel that they are your exclusive family now. Your previously established family should be abandoned.
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Adrion Malinda 
Date:   08-23-08 16:22


Hi there kateincn and the rest of the members….

Well, I am having a relationship with a Chinese girl and she’s been honest to me from the day we started. There are ways you can tell if anyone is lien or not. But I respect her for who ever she is and we are planning to get married near future and everything I have will be belongs to her since I trust her more then my self, lol.

Anyway for my experience Chinese or Japanese who’s ever she is we guys need to look at them as gorges Gods creations, there are rotten apples in the world but it doesn’t mean every finger in your hands are same.... am I right guys???

If your in love with a Chinese girl, to your eyes she’s cannot be just a Chinese girl, she has to be your beloved…

Thanks guys and take care
Adrion.

P.S: wish me luck to me and to my doll…

Adrion Malinda
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Ricky Soh 
Date:   09-05-08 20:05

Thank you Adrion. It has nothing to do with race or nationality. You'll also find many Chinese girls with good lofty qualities, like any other types of girls who are well brought up.

Any marriage requires hard work. Generally, mixed marriages are more challenging because you need to try to understand differences in cultures and experience. With some intermarriages that fail, there are also many success stories.

Try explaining the high rate of divorces in many advanced countries. Would you say the girls are gold diggers? Breakup can be due to so many other causes. Do not demonize a certain nationality.
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Khalid Paden 
Date:   09-06-08 00:41

Not trying to demonize a society, culture, or people.

One thing that people from Eastern cultures should realize is that Americans seldom live with their parents. It is expected for adult children to leave home, and only visit for short times. It is considered bad when an American adult lives with his or her parents.
We feel bad for the adult who lives with, and cares for his parents in their old age. Having parents visit is usually O.K. Having parents "move in" can be "very offensive" to the opposing spouse. If the parents try to impose their way of thinking on their children's marriage, their children will be caught in the middle, and this may cause the marriage to fail.

Marriage is difficult enough by itself. If people from different cultures marry, they have accepted this as part of loving their spouse. Then who are these other people telling you what to do in your own house? Of course they should leave, and quickly.

Also remember, America is a western culture. Many things the parents can demand in eastern countries are illegal in America. (Trust me, I know)

We have a saying in America. If you are in Rome, you should act like the Romans do.
So if you come to America................
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: SL Lee 
Date:   09-06-08 12:48

America is a multicultural society. Setting up a family with different cultures takes compromise on both sides. Marrying someone with a different cultural background requires a careful consideration of all the factors. Loving someone may also require some sacrifice.

This is not only true for Chinese. The same is true for Greek, Italian, Jew, Korean, Thai, or you name it. English is but one culture among many in America. Even Irish and Scot can't be just viewed as Britons.
--------------

SL Lee
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Khalid Paden 
Date:   09-06-08 13:49

Well said. I would like to underscore your statements.
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Khalid Paden 
Date:   09-08-08 23:07

Forgive me Mr. Lee.

In this matter I think Chinese are victims of their own Public Relations, and advertising. With the American divorce rate at 58 percent, many Americans are looking for answers. How do I find someone who is good enough for me, and will also accept me? Well, the Chinese P.R. folks have been telling us for sooo long that the Chinese family members are very loyal, considerate, polite, and gentle. A Chinese woman is like a magic ingredient for happiness. If you marry, and take good care of her, you will have a happy life, and home. Many Americans are shocked when a Chinese woman acts badly.

Other stereotypes that Americans have accepted about Chinese:

Always truthful. Will not steal. All Chinese are smart. All Chinese are wise.etc.

I was not looking for a Chinese girlfriend, but my first Chinese girlfriend found me. She was not perfect, but she had most of those qualities while still being a woman. She made me believe the stereotypes, but her father would not accept a mixed relationship.
She was the best thing to happen to me in a very long time.

So please don't be too hard on us who are heartbroken to find that Chinese are not perfect, and can be as bad as anyone else.
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: suen.kuen 
Date:   09-09-08 23:22

.....Are you autistic or something?! You sound terribly......immature !
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Khalid Paden 
Date:   09-10-08 02:02

Kuen,

I try to keep my examples simple. Maybe my examples are too simple sometimes.

The views I expressed above are not just mine, but have been relayed to me by many non-chinese who are not a part of the Chinese community.

Until fairly recently, China was considered to be a closed culture. (See Richard Nixon). We have a lot to learn about each other. America had race riots. Why? China had Tennemen Square. Why? I thought the problem was restricted to Tennemen Square. I learned much more later. We non-Chinese have a lot to catch up on, and understand about Chinese history and culture.

Many things have shaped our languages, ideas, cultures, and familys. Many things I saw when I would visit China did not translate well for Americans who did not understand the history.

Many countries have Public Relations experts to give the world the best view of their home country as possible. America is no different in this respect.

When I was making plans for my first trip to China, some non-chinese warned me about horrible things that could happen to me while in China. Nothing bad happened.
On some of my trips to China, I saw unrealistically wonderful views of America on television that surprised me.

Modern American television is showing more about the real China, and not so much of the unrealistic views that we had before.

Back to the original topic. Many men are confused, and elated with their inter-cultural relationships. Just read the posts here. I am trying to help Amercan's, and Britons understand that Chinese are human also.
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 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: suen.kuen 
Date:   09-10-08 06:45

By now I find it seriously difficult to accept that there can be any real interest by British and their Anglo-Saxon brothers in America to understand anybody else on this world.
If you are some kind of a willing sepoy of those people...just pour them coffee and tea and polish their silvers to your heart's contend. Count us out.
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Khalid Paden 
Date:   09-10-08 08:49

I don't suppose you know the word stereotype.

All blacks can play sports well and can dance well.
All Irish have quick tempers and drink a lot of alcohol.
All jews are good with money and business.
All italians are mobsters and love pasta.

Well guess what. All of these have a basis. They are also not true for every member of their group. There are good and bad in every group.

And please.......... Drop the "I am offended" schtick.

This forum is helping us to understand each other, and understanding is key in better relations between individuals, families, and countries.

Sometimes we will make mistakes in trying to learn and understand each other. For example:

A polish co-worker was so shocked that my race could tan that he pulled me to different offices showing everyone my tan lines from my wrist watch.

A jewish co-worker walked past me and called me a very offensive and insulting word. The kind you must fight him over. I stayed calm. I later discovered that he is a brilliant scientist who suffers from turrets syndrome.

While in China, a man was shouting at my wife. In America this is very offensive, and the situation required that I beat him. I could not understand what he was saying, but I was very angry that he was shouting at her. I calmed myself. I later asked her what he was saying. He said he was the hotels owner. The muffins were cold, and if we wanted them warmed, just ask the waitress. He was from the province of Canton. They tend to shout in normal conversation.

In America, my wifes mother needed aspirin. I brought the American version. It was 300mg per dose. It made her sick. We discovered that because of her asian diet and lifestyle, she needed a 25mg dosage. I went out and found it.


I think you get the idea. But inter-cultural relations are not for the closed-minded. You must be very open-minded, and willing to accept the differences in people. Even their mistakes in trying to understand.
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Adrion Malinda 
Date:   09-10-08 18:22

Dear Ricky and the members,

first of all im sorry i was away from my home for some company work in dubai well Yes i know what you mean Ricky, well if i talk about my parents, my mum is a Canadian and dad is a Srilanken, and i have seen how they help each other, well sometimes they are #*%@!!! bad but most of the times...its so damn nice to look at them.

I never said i never had a girl(s) before..., who says my mouth still smells milk???hehehe. well sometimes its a bit hard to understand a totaly deferent culture but as people say need sacrifices to trust what you believe...and i trust my Juan Zi.

Adrion Malinda
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: suen.kuen 
Date:   09-10-08 21:31

Learn Chinese if you are planning to sell China to them Brits and Yankees for us....with our thanks & no thanks.
If not ....you'll be knocking off teeth of our Southern brethrens when all they do is just trying to ask you if you wanted more fresh Har Gous!
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: Khalid Paden 
Date:   09-10-08 22:50

1) Don't misunderstand me. I have many Chinese friends from all over Asia. We pray, eat, and play together. We have been learning a lot from each other. Yes, they eat Pizza, and I eat real Chinese food, except for tofu.

2) I am more than willing to learn Chinese if I can find a good teacher who has time to teach.

3) I am not trying to sell anything to anyone. I am sure you have read what happened to me and my children. I have received many e-mails from people who have experienced similar. If I can save anyone from going through that kind of pain, I will.
Reply To This Message
 
 Re: If you want marry a Chinese girl, READ THIS
Author: GaryLong 
Date:   10-31-09 10:08

this is a chat with a chinese girl on QQ

Long 20:36:33
may be if you take the time and know me you would know i am simple and kind, but it sounds to me you want to believe in evil and bad

samsara 20:37:36
i just afraid to be brawn into the bad thing

samsara 20:37:42
I can not face it

Long 20:37:56
well that’s life

samsara 20:38:01
i am not so cleaver to tell who is good or not

Long 20:38:24
so you are saying to me i best kill my self and forget every thing in life

samsara 20:38:53
but i can avoid such kind of thing

samsara 20:39:08
no no no

samsara 20:39:15
just let it be

Long 20:40:43
I could say the same things about you if you love a man you should go to the city he wants to live, and not be so weak and get a divorce and not go with him

samsara 20:41:33
there is a Chinese saying: the wise man knows he knows nothing, the fool thinks he knows all

Long 20:42:12
yes and many people in china know nothing

Long 20:42:27
they don’t know what day it is some times

samsara 20:42:33
yes, may be

Long 20:43:09
most of you in china just live in one city never have more then one job and don’t believe other people if they did more then you

Long 20:44:20
I don’t judge people for what others say about them I get to know people for my self and find out if its true

Long 20:44:43
as most people just don’t like people as they don’t understand them

Long 20:48:30
sounds like to me you are looking for a perfect man, with no past and nothing ever any thing happen in his life at all, just a zombie that don’t know any thing, some one you can control Your self, teach your self,

samsara 20:49:42
yes, that a simple way to live

Long 20:50:29
and when he do some thing you don’t like you will divorce him again

samsara 20:50:55
yes

Long 20:51:49
so how many times you want to marry before you find the perfect man

samsara 20:52:04
who knows

samsara 20:52:15
hope he never do bad thing

Long 20:52:52
you best find God

samsara 20:53:24
i am waiting for God

Long 20:54:08
are you real or just having a joke

Long 20:56:27
so you are looking for a man that never married before as well

samsara 20:57:47
not absolute

Long 20:59:14
so you don’t want to meet me now

samsara 20:59:34
yes. Sorry

Long 20:59:35
as I am not up to your perfection

Long 21:03:20
I can show friends your photo and who you, are that you tell me how much you want to know me how much you want to meet me, how much you want to us to love, but when you know I am not prefect then you tell me to go away

you can see by this its hard to find a girl looking for love most just want to find a man to marry for money or to control not get hurt men like i have with this one i never met the girl, she pretty in the photo but ugly in the heart
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