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 Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Silverfern (---.dialup.clear.net.nz)
Date:   09-03-04 01:01

I have been corresponding with a Chinese woman for just over 3 months.
I am becoming concerned by 2 things.

1/ I have asked for her phone number a few times and she tells me she is scared to talk with me as she will not undestand me.

2/ The address she has given me is a business address or something. I have tried sending flowers to her and they unable to deliver them to her.
She told me it was her home address.

I have experience with Russian women and know it is a business over there to extract money off western men by using the promise of marriage.
Are there the same sort of scams operating out of China?

I am in the middle of making arrangements to meet her. In most other ways she seems like an honest person . She has told me she is writing to no-one else and certainly the site I saw her profile she has not been there for over 2 months now.

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Jane 
Date:   09-03-04 05:32

I live in China. I can't tell for sure if women in China usually cheat men (in or out of China) over internet out of money by romantic incentives or even fake marriage promises etc. But the world is so big and all people are so different in one way or another. So one won't be too surprised to see all things are happening.

My concern is that you have to treat the woman you are communicating with individually. What happens to others doesn't mean it happens to her, and what doesn't happen to others doesn't mean it doesn't happen to her. If you are really cautious as you sound, you just have to observe and come up with your own conclusion. One way I can suggest to use to find out whether she can be trusted in general is to ask her a question and see what she answers and remember it, then ask it again (maybe in a different way)after a period of time (when she probably has forgotten having been asked) and see whether this time her answer is identical with the previous one. Just by asking small things sometimes you can tell whether a person is genuinely honest or not. Of course, this is not totally reliable as we know people can forget things from time to time. Anyway, all that I am suggesting is that you have to take her individually and try to use your common sense to judge her words and behaviours then conclude.

Another thing I would say is if you are serious about building a relationship with her, perhaps you should take a longer time to find more about her and until you feel a bit more secured of what a woman you are going to meet. THree months sounds to me a relative short time in general. Given a bit longer period of time, if you consistently find her being honest, perhaps you can then be somewhat sure of her as well as the relationship. At this stage, when you feel so insecured of what the woman is in particular, taking all the trouble to go meet her just doesn't sound making too much sense. What do you think?

Anyway, just trying to give you my two cents worth since you posted it here. No expert I am. :-) Good luck!

Jane

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Chuck (---.atl.client2.attbi.com)
Date:   09-03-04 23:55

I agree with Jane on the whole. Only thing I can add is in my experience recently of trying to simply take the next step of moving on from pen pals to actually talking on the phone with girls whom I have been sharing language lessons (they help me with mandarian and I help with English). Their written English is very good, but they are extremely nervous to talk on the phone. They are very shy about it. I have managed to speak with one of them recently and I was suprised how poor her spoken English was since her English grammer skills were better than my own. Now she should not be ashamed of herself, her little bit of English is far better than my tiny grasp of Chinese. We'll start working together to resolve that.

I met my own wife via the Internet, but she was already living in the same state as me, so not quite the same. Her grasp of English is excellent due to her college major being English. I think very possibly your friend in China is probably similar to the pen pals I have made.

Best regards and good luck!

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Andries Zijlstra 
Date:   09-04-04 06:41

My experience with Chinese people is that in general the writing is initially better than the speaking. There are several explanations: writing can be checked and even verified by software. What one should not forget is that the Chinese culture is such that especially young ladies will not reveal easily her personal views or feelings to "strangers". So building a relationship is first to show our own serious intentions and than moving on slowly. My best Chinese friend commands the English grammar perfectly and when we are on the phone we can talk for over an hour about anything and we feel very comfortable. Professionally when I was in China I noticed that a lot of Western people are not sufficiently patient and comprehensive to give the Chinese the time to reflect and start "correcting" too soon. A young lady in our office was considered to be unable to speak English and I was surprised because her reports in English where very correct. When I had lunch with her one day she started to talk to me and explained that this was the first time in her life that she was exposed to Western people and couldn't understand the American accent because this was not in the scope of her English lessons. Than we got a very nice conversation and since then we had lunch and a walk almost every day. Her English improved in no time and that was more based on trust than on know-how.

Andries

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: lc_230 (219.93.174.---)
Date:   09-05-04 01:18

Dear Silverfern,

In any relationship, one must not be doubtful of each other.Intimacy must be ensured.We Chinese believe in destiny and fate.Be positive abt her,give her time to prove herself and have faith as if she is meant to be yours ,she will be yours or else if you tried sending her all the flowers or diamonds in the world she will not be yours.Best of luck in your love endeavour.

lc_230

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Mark (203.122.99.---)
Date:   10-03-04 03:00

Yes, in any relationship, one must not be doubtful of each other.
But not over the internet.
Moreover, there are many scams / frauds happened in China before.

Please be cautious !!

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Greg Ting 
Date:   10-03-04 07:23

Dating scam happens everyday, not on internet, not because the counterpart is Chinese. Scams target the desperate and naive young people as well as old. So, don't just emphasize your negative experience on internet or with Chinese. You will encounter the same in other occasions.

There is no instant love. It takes a lot of cultivation. With time, even love can change. It can only be called a mistake, not a scam.

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Paul Yih (---.mad.wi.charter.com)
Date:   10-05-04 23:20

Try to be as careful as you can --- I wish there are some sort of screening process for you in that particular town or city ---.

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Jane 
Date:   10-06-04 01:59

What sort of screening process in your mind?

Thanks!

Jane

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Paul Yih (---.mia.net)
Date:   10-06-04 10:27

Jane, I think we all can be most creative to provide some kind of assistance to the many overseas Chinese or non Chinese for the same issue - To find compatible mates in China or abroad.

Yes, we are all aware of the many "less credible" entities. As China today has risen with many young entrepreneurs - It can be equally creative and inventive --- to form this kind of "checks and balances" where we can form a global team -- with the kind of professionals to aid those who are sincere in their search -- Much of that had taken place in and around the world -- But this similar mechanism can be installed in China -- Maybe even via us -- starting by a smaller group -- First and foremost, we have to shown our credentials -- with the very open and clear statement -- where we will be doing only the "checking" or "screening" mechanism. or even counseling or advising people and couples toward these set of circumstances.

We can gradually finding volunteers in which ever city -- and the background of ours will also have to be reviewd and ascertained and verified ----- and filed appropriately.

I think such mechanism can be done - and for those who can afford it - pay a fee or whatever amount they can afford to do -- and gradually, we can build this into a solid "platfom" a professional "platform" as we grow.

I myself has been trained as a psychologists and also I focus on the many cross-cultural issues when and where I do handle some four dialects and four extra languages and with my access in latin America, US and China where we can ask the many good organizations - be that churches, social and cultural groups who care to "facilitate" and who care to put forth a bit of the screening effort - Such is that - from authenticating the said individual , their background, make sure they have no criminal records -- Sure, much of that can be a bit sensitive - But if we can form this "neutral" zone to do the arbitration -- meaning, while the two parties want to continue to engage with their communications - US , this volunteer groups can do the screening -- but we have to do so legally as in these confidential matters, where "we" cannot be blackmailed or bribed by any parties -- Our process of verification, authentication have to be done very articulately -- to give the "parties" of their greater "assurance" as to make certain that their relationship, their statement about who they are and what they are have to be "authenticated" meaning, they have to also be able to review whatever background --- I guess with some minor legal assistance whereby we will also have to abide by a very strict code of conducts -- in the protection of such confidentiality of all parties - where and when we make progress - our "reputation" will grow, by our work, by merit and not just by hearsay.

In this case from the beginning of the thread --- This gentlement can use our service -- service where we can have it set up "legally" in all cities and all countries---- and to be abided by the local law.

This eventually can be a "revenue" making mechanism for many non-profit groups, churches, humanistic organizations -- But again, let me remind you of all the bylaws and the proper ethical and legal and moral conducts of all .

This is just a thought in this day and age of our computer driven days of e-enterprises that can be done intelligently, articulately , humanly and also "legally".

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: tony4ka (82.207.125.---)
Date:   01-02-06 19:22

i've found this topic with a purpose, i've met a wonderful Chinese girl on www.LuckyLovers.net and after writing to each other for over three monthes, i decided to visit her...and here it starts... she claims to live in not very big town, and it's not ok for a foreign man to visit her (though she is over 26 already), and her surrounds won't understand this, and the cultural differences and so on...She doesn't ask me anything, but i'm really seriously intended, so just want to know is it really so bad for me to visit her, or maybe she just doesn't want to see me???

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Rik Akins (---.lv.lv.cox.net)
Date:   02-04-06 15:20

Russians have given online dating a black eye. Can you imagine how many American men would be married to Russians if not for the scamming going on? At the end of the day, such marriages would be mutually beneficial to both nations, since the American would at some time visit Russia, and the family of the Russian would visit America.

As for the Chinese lady, my suggestion is that you challenge her true intentions by asking to meet in neutral ground. If she's serious, she would be prepared to travel a bit away from her surroundings. American fiancee visa law requires you to meet her anyway before a visa can be granted.

If she's not prepared to commit, then find somebody else.

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Hopeful 
Date:   02-05-06 00:37

If she does not want to see you, what is her purpose for corresponding with you - just as a pen pal? Depending on where she is from, often, if she is from a small village where everyone knows each other, then a visiting foreigner may let to a lot of gossiping and to embarassment not only for her but also her family. Inspite of the modern era, even if a Chinese girl may be 26, she can still be living with her parents. For some families, it is a taboo to date a man unless they both have intention of getting married. I know many people don't like to talk about this but sometimes it is very important that a Chinese woman be a virgin before marriage. A chinese woman sleeping around with men can be deemed as a "loose" lady that men want to have fun/sex with but would not want to have as a wife. I am not saying this is true for all Chinese women, but it is still the norm in many places, especially in small towns and villages.

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 My experience so far
Author: KK 
Date:   12-23-06 20:29

I've been having a wonderful experience a chinese woman. I had become skeptical from previous scammers attempts, Russian and Nigerian. The fact that they are trying to scam you becomes obvious. They repeat themselves, don't answer your questions and their letters could be sent to anyone...not individual at all. Plus eventually they ask for your help.

As far as the one gentleman's comment about not being able to visit...the girl I am corresponding with has invited me, given directions, and is eagerly awaiting my visit. She has a place for me to stay and her family wants to meet me. Also, I have her phone number and have spoken to her, her english is very very poor, at least I am able to call.

She opened up to me rather quickly. She asks a lot of questions and believes that we were meant to be together. If the girl hasn't said that either fate or god has made your paths cross, then likely she doesn't feel that way. I have not offered any gifts at this point. We have been discussing marriage. We have been writing and sending photos for a short time. So far, I have had no doubts, I guess I'll find out in China later this winter.
if anyone has any advise about travelling to China, I would appreciate it.

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Ohnomy 
Date:   01-06-07 17:00

Fake. You shouldn't trust this.

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Khalid Paden 
Date:   10-13-07 19:20

My experience

http://www.asiawind.com/forums/read.php?f=6&i=4861&t=4817

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: markyosh 
Date:   11-17-07 06:28

I use to think the samething, I only had her work address and the other fun stuff, but now that I went to china and back we are gettiing married.

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: markyosh 
Date:   11-18-07 09:11

I was in china from 10-17-2007 to 11-01-2007 and I noticed that alot of chinese people can understand english if you write it down and show it to them. Guess when I was speaking they could not understand because the say I speak to fast, but not true since that is my language.

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Khalid Paden 
Date:   11-19-07 04:13

I understand. I felt the same way. My friends tried to warn me also. Good luck.

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Khalid Paden 
Date:   12-04-07 05:39

Just like there is a Russian agency that helps with the scams, there are also Chinese agencies that help women with the scams. If you want to date someone Chinese, try someone who is local.

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Willie 
Date:   06-29-09 21:52

In most cases, the scams is not in the girls but in the marriage agency who handle many of those Chinese woman posted on the internet (watch out the one with professional photos). The girls paid up to 30,000RMB to the agency to get a westerner to be interested to marry them. In fact, the girls might not even know what those agents write in the love letters with the hooked Westerner, or they give the false information about their past and personality. The girls for various reasons just want to get out of China, most of them is not happy or have problem with their current situation and believe life is better in the West, that could be true, but many of those woman can hardly read or speak English, that is the core of the problem.

The westerner fall in love with the photos and/or the love letters written by the professional from the marriage agency. they get paid when the westerner is lured to come to China to meet the girls. When the meeting is arranged and the real merchandise gets inspected, in most cases, people get disappointed. The odd one gets married and relocated, once the physical honeymoon excitment is over, the language problem and cultural difference will create huge problems and often ends in divoice after the woman gets the passport

My suggestion is to insist on telephone conversation to ascertain the Langauge level and take your time to ascertain other facts before you venture out for the meeting. I have heard of cases, large amount of money was extracted from the westerner after having sex with the girl. Please insist on signing pre-marrige property agreement right from the beginning, unless you want to end up living in half of what you got now and regret.

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: GaryLong 
Date:   08-19-09 07:16

i have been in china 5 years now and i would never in 100000 years believe a chinese girl would not be dating or writing to other men

most i have met tell me they need more time to get to know me but in fact they want to know others and they all do believe me i have tested them

i have made other ID's on the same web page in the same city with other phone number and they will tell my other ID they love me and send message to my true ID and tell me they love me to

the only way to know is to do a lot of testing and young girls will do it more then older girls but they all do it

read my post i have put up what i am facing now

http://www.asiawind.com/forums/read.php?f=6&i=6181&t=6181

and tell me what you think if you want to know more i like to hear from every one about this

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: Jane 
Date:   08-20-09 03:22

Dear Gary,

Can I just say "the same people attract " ? :)

what I examine from your situation is: when you are not serious with girls, girls are not serious with you. When you send messages such as "I love you" to girls whom you have known only for a short amount of time, basically you get what you send out - You know it is not true with your "love"!

There are so many Chinese girls in China, and even if all the girls you met and tested were like that, you could only conclude that all the girls that you had met were not serious. There are millions of Chinese girls in China and surely hundreds of them could be like what you met. - How to change the situaion? Is it because how you approach the matter and how you deal with the girls. HOw sincere were you looking for your love? Were you just looking for some fun? Or were you looking for real love and marriage etc?

There are hundreds of foreigners who found sincere Chinese women and happy marriage in China, why could they find such women? think about it.

Try considering this: Birds of the Same Feather Flock Together.

Best Wishes,
Jane :)

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 Re: Chinese Internet Dating Scams
Author: GaryLong 
Date:   08-20-09 09:46

Jane

one thing i have learn about china is chinese people are easy to judge people they dont know and they are even easy to judge people just by the way they look, some of what you say is true there is 3 sorts of men that come to china the ones that want to play games the ones that want to work and the ones that want to find true love as i have. but i have been married before to a girl from the The Philippines, and at that time i was younger and did not know that she was cheating me to live in my country, but not to love me like people do in marriage, so after divorce i come to china and take my time to know girls for true love and i have met some good and some bad, i am happy to say after 5 years i have found a very good girl now and we have a lot of understand about each other and she knows my past life about all the girl friends i have had in the past and she is a girl i could only say God had sent to me in to my life as when i was at the end of my rope she come into my life.

so before you paint me with the same brush as the other men that you may have met you need to think about it, i never ask people to make dating scams and i never ask them to cheat others, i am just warning people what to look for.

In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.

Dream as if you have forever. Live as if you only have today.

I hope you can see the light of my words.

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